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Clash of the Titans in Fifteen Minutes - Movies in Fifteen Minutes Page 3
This is, after all, what happens when you cross the streams.
Clash of the Titans in Fifteen Minutes
Before we start: I seem to be nominated for a thing! (And so are copperbadge and otterdance!) My name is misspelled, and Neil Gaiman will probably crush us all, but I've never been nominated for a thing before, so that's pretty awesome. Voting ends on--4/15, I think?

So. PREVIOUSLY ON MOVIES IN FIFTEEN MINUTES, FOR REASONS THAT WILL LATER BE APPARENT: TroyKing Arthur! 300! A couple of Twilight things! So... here's a palate cleanser before Eclipse, I guess.

She's going to spank me?Collapse )

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199 comments or Leave a comment
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mudpuppy83 From: mudpuppy83 Date: April 12th, 2010 01:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Wow. I am even more pleased that I did not see this now, because the filmmakers' handle on the Greek myths just gets worse and worse the more I hear about it. And it's not like the original film was that faithful to begin with.

I'm especially puzzled by how they handled Pegasus. If they were so keen on having a winged horsey seem bad-ass and Pegasus wouldn't even become relevant until after Perseus slew Medusa--why didn't they just keep Pegasus's origin from the original myths, where he sprung from Medusa's blood?

Excellent job. I don't even think I can name a favorite bit because it was all hilarious.
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: April 12th, 2010 02:19 am (UTC) (Link)
I was on the phone with a friend of mine who loves Greek mythology, and I rattled off the whole plot to her, and her head nearly exploded, it was kind of beautiful. If you are really into mythology, this will pain you. I don't remember it all as well as I used to, but even I was sitting there like, "Io, WTF?"
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dacaktty From: dacaktty Date: April 12th, 2010 01:15 am (UTC) (Link)
oh my god I can't breathe
green78 From: green78 Date: April 12th, 2010 01:16 am (UTC) (Link)
PERSEUS: No, but you put me in front of that kraken, I can fish the shit out of it.

ROFL!!! LOVE this parody! I actually really liked the movie too, but as always, your parodies trump all. :D
aircrash From: aircrash Date: April 12th, 2010 01:38 am (UTC) (Link)
aircrash From: aircrash Date: April 12th, 2010 01:40 am (UTC) (Link)
to clarify - i raged so hard at seeing this trainwreck in the theater, but i lol'd so hard at your rendition. a++
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toki_wartooth From: toki_wartooth Date: April 12th, 2010 02:44 am (UTC) (Link)
XDDD, nice icon!!
miintikwa From: miintikwa Date: April 12th, 2010 02:00 am (UTC) (Link)


I died. Right there. MUST see this movie, now. I wasn't going to, but if this scene is actually there, then so am I!
nfgs From: nfgs Date: April 12th, 2010 02:02 am (UTC) (Link)
It's like 15 seconds, if that, but I died laughing. As did like half my theatre.
nfgs From: nfgs Date: April 12th, 2010 02:01 am (UTC) (Link)

I couldn't resist.
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: April 12th, 2010 02:22 am (UTC) (Link)
Yay! I still don't have decent photo editing programs on my new computer yet, so I can't currently make icons.
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sleepchaser From: sleepchaser Date: April 12th, 2010 02:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Great parody! Congrats on the nom; I voted for you.
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: April 12th, 2010 02:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Aw, thanks.
venusad From: venusad Date: April 12th, 2010 02:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Well...that made me feel WAY better about wasting the money to go see that movie...because...god...GOD. I didn't think they could really manage to make it much worse than the original, but MY GOD they destroyed Athena's part and added THE COW LADY?!

And since when did Popo rape Medusa? I don't recall it being forced--Athena was not the type of Goddess to punish a rape victim. Also! Perseus...now the lamest Greek ever. Humility? Not a positive trait in a hero of Greek Mythology. He's supposed to strut around and demand his riches and build Mycenae!

...who's gonna build Mycenae now? Crap.

Meanwhile, Hades got a bad rap AND stole Poseidon's Kraken. Lame.
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: April 12th, 2010 02:24 am (UTC) (Link)
You know, I genuinely don't get why the god of the underworld would have a sea monster. That just doesn't even make sense.
elbales From: elbales Date: April 12th, 2010 02:25 am (UTC) (Link)
The characters who have names attack the scorpions with swords and shields and spears and sandals and thigh muscles and brotherhood

*snorts dinner out nose*

BRB, lol'ing forever.
jettcat From: jettcat Date: April 12th, 2010 02:26 am (UTC) (Link)
*votes while reading and fangirling madly*
icewyche From: icewyche Date: April 12th, 2010 02:30 am (UTC) (Link)

[Now that the eclipse has started, you'd think they'd evacuate Argos, but there's eleventy thousand teenage girls rioting in front of the Odeon yelling something about a marble Adonis, I don't even know.]

mce86 From: mce86 Date: April 12th, 2010 02:34 am (UTC) (Link)
Wow that was amazing! I was viewing this entry not even two hours ago and there was only one comment at that time. Then I come back and there's a HUNDRED more! You are awesome Cleo.
serizawa3000 From: serizawa3000 Date: April 12th, 2010 02:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Is Zeus standing on a box in that one picture? And Ralph Fiennes looks like Peter Stormare...
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: April 12th, 2010 03:25 am (UTC) (Link)
All I know is, Liam Neeson is TALL. I don't know if they're standing on the steps (they could be), or if Ralph Fiennes is just hunched over (he was a good bit) or something.
cat_eyed_fox From: cat_eyed_fox Date: April 12th, 2010 03:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Everything was brilliant! I appreciate that you didn't try to fun up the already hilarious flute scene.
lyricalnights From: lyricalnights Date: April 12th, 2010 03:27 am (UTC) (Link)
DRACO: OKAY, LISTEN UP! Anything we're gonna need on this godsforsaken trip, you gotta pack it NOW. Swords, spears, shields, spare sandals, sixpack-shaped armor, all of it--okay, sure, Chatty Cathy can come. Yeah, I guess we have room for two comic relief guys you found in the street. No, leave the Prophet of Crazy here, he gives me the wig. No, I don't think you need to bring your Snuggie, we're going into THE DESERT. NO, I DON'T THINK THERE WILL BE WIFI FOR YOUR KINDLE--

The whole thing was lolsome, but this? I died of gigglesnort.
mcity From: mcity Date: April 12th, 2010 04:17 am (UTC) (Link)
>sparkle armor

Maybe he made it out of Edward Cullen!
ejia_arath03 From: ejia_arath03 Date: April 14th, 2010 04:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, let's hope so.
ningerbil From: ningerbil Date: April 12th, 2010 04:29 am (UTC) (Link)
That was brilliant. Just how do you write this stuff! I laughed until I cried. I just saw this stinker of a movie, so this made my evening! Thank you!
misachan From: misachan Date: April 12th, 2010 04:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Your description of Hadesmort almost makes me want to see this movie (although the disrespect to poor Bubo hurts my inner 9-year-old.) And "I love you, Not-Son, and I will love you for all five minutes of the rest of my life" made me sporfle. As did "But... he's got more chemistry with the ageless chick, and all your scenes with him got cut." Poor Andromeda! Getting blown off for Perseus' improbably immortal cow-sister!

laughingacademy From: laughingacademy Date: April 12th, 2010 05:04 am (UTC) (Link)
SOME REDSKIRT: You know, I'm really excited about going on a legendary adventure. I've always wanted to fight in a bunch of action scenes, get some really good closeups, come up with a catchphrase or something, maybe even end up with the princess's slightly less attractive handmaiden...

EUSEBIOS: Oh... man, I hate to break it to you, but...

IXAS: ... shhhhh. Let him dream.

Hee, I love it when the characters in your recaps are genre savvy.

Also hilarious:

MEDUSA'S HAIR: *pout pout pout pout pout*

I'm still trying to figure out why the filmmakers gave us Medusa's sad backstory and then followed it with "Right, let's kill the bitch!" Like, wow, editing FAIL.

I'm pretty sure the '09 version will be remembered, at best, as a footnote to Harryhausen's victory lap. It lacks the '81 version's whimsy, especially the depiction of the Olympians as a squabbling family with Aphrodite and Thetis eyerolling at Zeus's shenanigans and Athena being all "HAIL NO YOUR BASTARD CAN'T HAVE MY OWL." On the other hand, I didn't miss the old version's recycled footage (especially the release of the Kraken, with identical reaction shots of Poseidon both times), or Perseus's habit of repeating dialogue ("The helmet will make you invisible!" "Invisible?" "Invisible"), so I grudgingly give the remake some props.

Edited at 2010-04-12 05:07 am (UTC)
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dwg From: dwg Date: April 12th, 2010 07:02 am (UTC) (Link)
AHHH THIS IS AWESOME! I still wish the Argosians kept the Kraken as the giantest, fugliest, most awesome lawn ornament, but heeeee!!! This sums up exactly why I love this movie. XDDDD
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: April 12th, 2010 07:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Eeeheehee! So much funny!

HADES: Are we clashing yet? Is this clashing?

ZEUS: Well, technically, our parents were the titans, but your hellrobes don't go too well with my sparkle armor, so maybe that counts.

That (with accompanying picture) killed me. Heh.

P.S. Wow, Zeus's armor is actually, physically going, *ting* isn't it? That's the sparkliest armor ever.

P.P.S. Stealth Twilight jokes FTW. HEEE.
(Deleted comment)
black_faery From: black_faery Date: April 12th, 2010 07:21 am (UTC) (Link)
[Massive suckered tentacles slither up the halls of Olympus, and a vortex of fangs barfs up a pirate hat.]

*falls off chair laughing*
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