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Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes - Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes - Movies in Fifteen Minutes Page 10 — LiveJournal
This is, after all, what happens when you cross the streams.
Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes
Previously on ~*The Twilight Saga*~:

Twilight in Fifteen Minutes
New Moon in Fifteen Minutes
Recap: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner
Many other recaps

So... I got a little loopy on this one. Enjoy.


Site Meter (Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

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Current Music: Howard Shore - "Rosalie" (SERIOUSLY, HOWARD SHORE)

312 comments or Leave a comment
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rienna_the_red From: rienna_the_red Date: July 14th, 2010 03:06 am (UTC) (Link)

I LOLed.

A lot.

You win the internets. ALL of them.
angeleyesjg24 From: angeleyesjg24 Date: July 14th, 2010 03:07 am (UTC) (Link)
serafina20 From: serafina20 Date: July 14th, 2010 03:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Werehole is my new favorite word.
watson8888 From: watson8888 Date: July 14th, 2010 12:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I second this. Also, it is my new go-to insult.
From: crabofdoom Date: July 14th, 2010 03:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, how the opening 'marry me' tirade had me rolling...

I am so very puzzled over why a Cullen (supposedly the richest fictional family in the history of ever - someone actually did an informal study) would buy a diamond chip ring from walmart. Seriously, those things are bulk quality, at best (I won't even mention the crappy glue job on the repro.)

Well, maybe I can think of two reasons: Meyers either has a ring just like it or always wanted one as a girl, and/or it's some embodiment of aaaaaaall of Edward's sparkles, so Bella can touch them forever and ever. Like all the refracted light from one huge brilliant-cut diamond wouldn't produce sparkles enough? That doesn't even look like a platinum setting. He'll buy his 'sister' a Porche just for keeping Bella occupied for one night, but his twu wuv has an under-$200 budget for a ring she's supposed to wear forever?

Edward Cullen: the fiscally sensible billionaire.
(Deleted comment)
sequence_fairy From: sequence_fairy Date: July 14th, 2010 03:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Yay! This is awesome. Thanks for being a bright spot today!
wopt70 From: wopt70 Date: July 14th, 2010 03:38 am (UTC) (Link)
lovely as always. too funny, all of it
chrisgold From: chrisgold Date: July 14th, 2010 03:56 am (UTC) (Link)
It was a sepia-toned time

feisty_beden From: feisty_beden Date: July 14th, 2010 04:09 am (UTC) (Link)
Jacleo, you are a genius. I want to have your babies, if such things were possible. I cannot even ... May I pet your brain?
mcity From: mcity Date: July 14th, 2010 04:29 am (UTC) (Link)

A neutron star colli--no, wait, that's the next Roland Emmerich movie.

>Choose life, not death. Choose a real future. Choose a guy who can age occasionally, if he feels like it. Choose a family of werebabies with me. Choose fur. Choose abs. Choose tight fitted t-shirts and visible undawears--choose motorcycles, not Volvos. Choose someone who can keep you warm at night, literally. Choose someone who would have sex with you right now.

Choose excellence. Choose Lexus.

>BELLA: Is that--is that a cheese grater?

No, it's for nutmeg. Apparently Edward's big on Alton Brown.

andromedabastow From: andromedabastow Date: July 14th, 2010 05:10 am (UTC) (Link)

Heh Nutmeg gratter

I though that too.

I actually would love a nutmeg grater ring. I love to use nutmeg on everything it would be very convenient.
octagonal From: octagonal Date: July 14th, 2010 05:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Hahah! Fantastic, once again!

[And there Riley the Gullible did endeavor to teach his new-turned recruits to vam and to pire, to feed discreetly, hide the bodies, and cover their tracks.]
I'm thinking I need to find more uses for vam and pire as verbs in everyday life. I imagine I can find more uses for those than werehole, which I will probably only get to shout at the screen while watching True Blood or something... though that will be epic.

Also, I'd just like to point out that the Jacobwolf is as BIG AS THE JEEP. It disturbs me. I mean, these are massive freaking werewolves. How do they keep their shorts on... The questions that plague my mind, right there.
witchnyn From: witchnyn Date: July 14th, 2010 05:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
From the 'things I wish I didn't know' file:

They don't keep their shorts on. They have to tie extra pairs of pants to their legs and hide them in the woods and such. No, really.

(Although...is Jacob wearing pants after he gets hurt and transforms back? Because if he is, that's a pretty glaring continuity error. Huh.)
katiefoolery From: katiefoolery Date: July 14th, 2010 05:33 am (UTC) (Link)
If only the original movie had brought this many lols. New Moon was so awesomely hilarious that I was expecting too much from Eclipse. I feel as though I have regained some of the time wasted watching the movie now. Thank-you. :D
From: kellabee Date: December 7th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
'and then buffy staked edward. the end.'
i just snorted i laughed so hard
tangerinedreams From: tangerinedreams Date: July 14th, 2010 05:53 am (UTC) (Link)
BILLY BLACK, JACOB'S DAD: I will not be able to take from my mind that man striding into the photo booth in Perth last year and greeting the assembled fangirls with "Who wants to feel the heat of the werewolf!?"
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: July 15th, 2010 08:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
shadecat From: shadecat Date: July 14th, 2010 06:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Your Twilight reviews never fail to make me laugh my effing ass off.
This is no exception. :)

I want your brain to live in my pocket.
chellytastic From: chellytastic Date: July 14th, 2010 07:24 am (UTC) (Link)
You. You are why we can't have nice things.


ily Cleo <33333
sookehhh From: sookehhh Date: July 14th, 2010 08:04 am (UTC) (Link)
Great work, I'm glad I don't have to see the movie now.
312 comments or Leave a comment
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