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Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes - Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes - Movies in Fifteen Minutes Page 11 — LiveJournal
This is, after all, what happens when you cross the streams.
Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes
Previously on ~*The Twilight Saga*~:

Twilight in Fifteen Minutes
New Moon in Fifteen Minutes
Recap: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner
Many other recaps

So... I got a little loopy on this one. Enjoy.


Site Meter (Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

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Current Music: Howard Shore - "Rosalie" (SERIOUSLY, HOWARD SHORE)

312 comments or Leave a comment
Page 11 of 14
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jabronagh From: jabronagh Date: July 14th, 2010 09:41 am (UTC) (Link)
Always so good! Your comments and MiFMs are a lot of the reason I see the movies in the first place. (Why I have to see them the day they open will remain a mystery) I especially love how you just use Colossus and Leech instead of whatever-their-names are.

One thing I noticed - Rosalie's family was comfortable but not rich, Royce's family was the rich one. He was just marrying her because she was the Prettiest Girl In All The Town, she was just marrying him so she could be the Prettiest / Richest / Prettiest & Richest Girl In All The Town.

cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: July 15th, 2010 08:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ahhhh. I must have been remembering that wrong from the book.
dannilover17 From: dannilover17 Date: July 14th, 2010 10:56 am (UTC) (Link)

THIS. Awesome. Funny and awesome recap is funny and awesome.

ihvpave From: ihvpave Date: July 14th, 2010 12:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
For the record, I read bits of this aloud to my roomate last night.

She thinks I should do a staged reading of it, record it, and send it to you *cracking up*
msfledermaus From: msfledermaus Date: July 14th, 2010 01:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm home sick, and I just choked cranberry juice all over my kitchen table.
*sniffle* This was just SO DAMN GOOD!!!!

jenny0 From: jenny0 Date: July 14th, 2010 01:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know that at two hundred and awesome comments noone's likely to see mine, but WOW. I actually kind of want to see the films in all their glory now. Husband and I accidentally saw a clip of one (I forget which...it was the part where Bella first sees the sparkling and says, totally deadpan: "Sparkly. You're...beautiful.") and couldn't believe it was truly as awful as it seemed; reading the m15m makes it all even better.
julietvalcouer From: julietvalcouer Date: July 14th, 2010 01:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
I had to explain to people the only reason I read even one Twilight book was so Cleolinda's recaps made more sense. The movies may have to go the same way.
julietvalcouer From: julietvalcouer Date: July 14th, 2010 01:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
EDWARD: You know, Jacob, if you weren't trying to steal my one reason for living in the most underhanded ways... you'd be kinda cute.

JACOB: Well, you know, Edward, if you weren’t a controlling, creep-ass motherfucker... no. I still wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.

JACOB: *marlonnnnn brandooooos*

EDWARD: *jaaaaames deaaaaaaaaaans*



LOLing so hard...can't breathe...must stop. Need icons, stat.
From: rhoda_rants Date: July 14th, 2010 02:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
We Can't Stop Here, This Is Werewolf Country!

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Fear and Loathing reference owns all!
lady_sansvol From: lady_sansvol Date: July 14th, 2010 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
i love your posts!
prylliepwns From: prylliepwns Date: July 14th, 2010 04:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
I swear to SMeyer, every time you used the phrase Tasty Beloved or Savory Beloved, I giggled like an evil genius on Valium.
quicksilvermad From: quicksilvermad Date: July 14th, 2010 04:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Your powers of humor are great, oh Talented One. I feel like I should give you a cake for finishing this...

No. Really... I feel like I should bake you something. It's only fair since you've entertained me for so long now.
amarissia From: amarissia Date: July 14th, 2010 05:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, Cleolinda, you make this whole phenomenon bearable, even funny, for me.
darkfrog24 From: darkfrog24 Date: July 14th, 2010 06:02 pm (UTC) (Link)

Frankly, I'm relieved at the tone of this one. The New Moon M15M was amusing, but it was also so scathing. This is more like the Twilight M15M, where you were mocking the silliness and stupidity, but you also seemed to be enjoying it. There's a lot more fun in this one.

HA HA! That's right! There is no logical reason for Charlie to disapprove of his daughter dating Edward that he knows of!

"because she couldn't possibly just cut her finger or something"


"Don't make me taze you with my eyeliner."


"My hand to God."


katimus From: katimus Date: July 14th, 2010 06:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
aaah....i have asthma, and i kinda needed my inhaler when i clicked the link to come here, and my breathing got worse and worse throughout reading, but i didn't want to stop reading to get up and get the inhaler...that's how much i love m15m ;)
evil_kc From: evil_kc Date: July 14th, 2010 06:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
"...but then Peter Murphy came to snack upon them, and as our ancestors were Bauhaus fans, they felt deeply betrayed."

*dead* May I just say how glad I am that I read this after you broke me on Made of Fail? I would have had no idea what some of these references were all about!
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: July 14th, 2010 08:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, it really helps to know all the fuckery that was left out from the book, like Bella letting Edward in, Charlie congratulating Jacob, etc.
tigerlilyaj From: tigerlilyaj Date: July 14th, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
BELLA: I thought... weren’t we going to do this thing where he bribes you with cars to kidnap me for sleepovers so I won’t run off and see Jacob?

ALICE: Nope! For the movie, my awesome is undiluted.

I can't say I've read every Twilight post you've ever written, but I've read several, and they always say "ALICE IS AWESOME." I actually like seeing this bit of ambivalence, because I never understood how one could simultaneously be so down on Edward's controlling behavior while never acknowledging Alice as his enabler who arguably agrees with his actions, at least on some level, since she keeps giving the information to make his decisions possible. (Although I suppose one could always argue that Alice has run through different scenarios, and is going with the best possible world, even if said world is crappy.)

The action-figure diorama staging of the Fighting Cullens will never stop being laughable. I laughed when the stills were released months ago and still laughed seeing it all in context on the big screen.

The summary of the Edward-Bella scene after the Jacob-Bella "epic" mountain kiss is so close to what actually was filmed as to wonder if the script writer just kinda threw up her hands in defeat rather than try to write out some real emotions. Not that the source material did better in that scene....
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: July 14th, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
I actually like seeing this bit of ambivalence, because I never understood how one could simultaneously be so down on Edward's controlling behavior while never acknowledging Alice as his enabler who arguably agrees with his actions, at least on some level, since she keeps giving the information to make his decisions possible.

Well, that's true--she's enabling his controlling-ness by alerting him to the fact that there are things he needs to control. Although I would hope she would have said, "Edward, Bella wants to sneak out in the middle of the night and see Jacob," and maybe he just would try to persuade her not to, because that is genuinely not the best idea ever. She enables him, but she also doesn't tell him to break Bella's truck or anything. But it's a good point. I guess I'd thought of Alice as doing what she thought was right--warning people--and then Edward using that information inappropriately.

(Although--really, is she always choosing to tell him? He can read her mind whether she tells him or not.)

And I did spend a lot of Eclipse--more than I really let on in the recap, now that I read back over it--being very, very disappointed in Alice. The bribery, the babysitting, the fussing about weddings--not happy about that. But really happy they wrote all of that out for the movie.

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