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Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes - Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes - Movies in Fifteen Minutes Page 12 — LiveJournal
This is, after all, what happens when you cross the streams.
cleolinda
m15m
cleolinda
Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes
Previously on ~*The Twilight Saga*~:

Twilight in Fifteen Minutes
New Moon in Fifteen Minutes
Recap: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner
Many other recaps



So... I got a little loopy on this one. Enjoy.

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Site Meter (Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

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Current Music: Howard Shore - "Rosalie" (SERIOUSLY, HOWARD SHORE)

312 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
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lunalovegoddess From: lunalovegoddess Date: July 14th, 2010 08:04 pm (UTC) (Link)

[You know what? If we’re going to call this a ~*saga*~, I think we need more Vikings.]

Hell to the YEAH!
From: litlover12 Date: July 14th, 2010 08:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't care if "Witless Protection Program" is cheap, it's the best line in the whole thing. And that's saying a LOT. Brava!
From: litlover12 Date: July 14th, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
(Although the rewrite of Frost comes very close.)
grenada From: grenada Date: July 14th, 2010 08:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank yoU!
javidan From: javidan Date: July 14th, 2010 08:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful--as usual, a spectacular job!
ad_meliora13 From: ad_meliora13 Date: July 14th, 2010 09:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
ILU.
you should know that I waited for this like christmas.
profshallowness From: profshallowness Date: July 14th, 2010 09:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
This was epically hilarious. I've been looking forward to your recap and it did not disappoint.
nodiskette From: nodiskette Date: July 14th, 2010 10:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
EDWARD: BELLA! BELLAAAAAA! You're supposed to pout for five minutes and then your self-respect crumbles and you let me in anyway! It says so right here in the book! This--this--it's like sleeping on the couch, only there's no couch and there's no sleeping! I'M SCARED AND I'M CONFUSED! BELLAAAAAAA!

GREATEST THING EVER.

This was epic. My coworker keeps asking why I'm laughing so much, but I'm too embarrassed to explain...
nicocoer From: nicocoer Date: July 15th, 2010 02:32 am (UTC) (Link)
but then Peter Murphy came to snack upon them, and as our ancestors were Bauhaus fans, they felt deeply betrayed

I love you forever for that reference.
From: redcurrantbasil Date: July 16th, 2010 03:02 am (UTC) (Link)
IKR
Peter Murphy was fabulous in his little cameo.
tempered_rose From: tempered_rose Date: July 15th, 2010 02:34 am (UTC) (Link)
Can't...comment....laughing....

WIN.
vivian_lake From: vivian_lake Date: July 15th, 2010 01:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
After rereading this for a... I dont'know, twelfth time or so, I finally understood what your version of Jane sounds like in my head - Azula's voice actress from A:TLA's Russian dub.
umbra_fish From: umbra_fish Date: July 15th, 2010 04:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
THIS. IS SO MUCH WIN. DYING OF LAUGHTER. EVERYTHING. SO GOOD.

No words, Cleo. :D
zombie_matrix From: zombie_matrix Date: July 15th, 2010 07:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's good to know that I wasn't the only one confused by the opening sequence. I was kind of feeling like maybe they'd put on the wrong movie by mistake.

This was, of course, fantabulous. (In other words, it's so awesome, I had to use made up words.) It was made even better for the X-Men references. And the viking. I agree, it would all be better with moar vikings!
misslastrange69 From: misslastrange69 Date: July 15th, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
You. Win. At. Life!

This line...

EDWARD: And YOU! Stop running and FIGHT ME! To avenge the pain you felt when I ripped James’ head off, TORE HIM TO PIECES, and ROASTED MARSHMALLOWS OVER HIS BURNING CARCASS.

almost made me fall off my chair!

You're amazing Cleolinda.
From: redcurrantbasil Date: July 16th, 2010 03:00 am (UTC) (Link)
"JACOB: *MARLONNNNNNN BRANDOOOOOS*
EDWARD: *JAAAAAAAAAAAAMES DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS*"

AHAHAHAHA

I thought there was a lot of sexual tension between Riley and Charlie even though Charlie was unconscious.

"the third wife of our ancestors' chief slew herself so to as to distract the Other Cold One with her blood, because she couldn't possibly just cut her finger or something."

This part totally reminded me of the scene in Deep Blue Sea where the British biologist stabs her hand in an attempt to draw the shark over and dives like 10 feet out into the ocean instead of letting some of the blood spill into the water. Then the shark eats her because she couldn't climb out in time. Unnecessary death.

Also was Rosalie actually gang raped to death? I always thought that was what happened in the book. In the official Eclipse movie companion they talk about how she was simply beaten badly because she insulted her boyfriends drunkenness...

cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: July 16th, 2010 04:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
I always thought that was what happened in the book, yeah. And in the movie, it's very clear that there is some sexual predation going on. Like, "I told you she was pretty." "Hard to tell with all those clothes on." So... the companion book must be lying out its printed ass for the sake of being discreet, because... it's pretty clear.

I was actually going to say "gang rape" instead of "assault" in up there, but ended up going with a word I hoped was maybe less gratuitously triggery for people.
ladydemando From: ladydemando Date: July 16th, 2010 05:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Words cannot express my love for you.
312 comments or Leave a comment
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