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Movies in Fifteen Minutes
This is, after all, what happens when you cross the streams.
Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes
Previously on ~*The Twilight Saga*~:

Twilight in Fifteen Minutes
New Moon in Fifteen Minutes
Recap: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner
Many other recaps

So... I got a little loopy on this one. Enjoy.


Site Meter (Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

Tags: , ,
Current Music: Howard Shore - "Rosalie" (SERIOUSLY, HOWARD SHORE)

312 comments or Leave a comment
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poppetawoppet From: poppetawoppet Date: July 13th, 2010 08:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
psubookworm27 From: psubookworm27 Date: July 13th, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC) (Link)

at this point...seeing the movie would be a major letdown.
crumpeteer From: crumpeteer Date: July 13th, 2010 08:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
That last part was the moment of the movie where we all looked at each other and were like "what? she's been codependent for THREE movies and she's pulling out that crap?"
apolla_savre From: apolla_savre Date: July 13th, 2010 08:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
"BELLA: NOOOO! JACOB! KISS ME! KISS ME! HERE, I HAVE THE CONSENT FORMS SIGNED IN TRIPLICATE!" And this is the line where I officially lost it. I don't even know how long I laughed for because I read this line imagining Bella as Klinger filling out forms for Major Houlihan.

Also, that ring is the ugliest thing I've ever seen.
(Deleted comment)
vivian_lake From: vivian_lake Date: July 13th, 2010 08:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
She chose not to choose life. She chose something else the cheese grater.
hazakaza From: hazakaza Date: July 13th, 2010 08:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
My god, is this movie . . . NOT terrible?! I tremble to consider it!
cmdr_zoom From: cmdr_zoom Date: July 13th, 2010 10:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
aliaspiral From: aliaspiral Date: July 13th, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
wait..WAIT. She punches Jacob in the face for kissing her AND her father was pissed? IS THIS REALLY TWILIGHT?
citiesfalling From: citiesfalling Date: July 13th, 2010 08:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
I KNOW! Billy Burke's mustache suddenly makes Charlie into a LIKABLE CHARACTER WHAT?
junejuuri From: junejuuri Date: July 13th, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Perfect, I just saw the movie last night! I think this one (both movie and your m15m) is my favorite.


This line is killing me the most.

cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: July 13th, 2010 09:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, good! I was really concerned that whole bit was just really too off-the-wall.
kauricat From: kauricat Date: July 13th, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
So. Much. Love.

The Viking bits were perfect.
hollyxu From: hollyxu Date: July 13th, 2010 08:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
*makes high pitched noise of glee*
crinury From: crinury Date: July 13th, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Want to be all ironic and stuff AND GO SEE THE MOVIE to snark at it in public? :D
rose_griffes From: rose_griffes Date: July 13th, 2010 08:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
WHEEEEE, this is hilarious. Too many bits to quote back to you. I really like Bella as the "Tasty Beloved."
dacaktty From: dacaktty Date: July 13th, 2010 08:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
From: mysterypoet66 Date: July 13th, 2010 08:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

Annnnd...This kinda makes me wanna see it

Which is sort of miraculous. Cripes, if the putative, "Saga," HAD Viking Saga-style narration instead of emo-tastic moping... I would actually RESPECT the films. (The books... are an entirely other kettle of fish.)
From: jillpole Date: July 14th, 2010 06:24 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Annnnd...This kinda makes me wanna see it

Sorry to be off topic- but where did you find your avatar, and do you have a copy of the full size picture? It is Awesome!
notemily From: notemily Date: July 13th, 2010 08:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
1. This is so awesome. I especially love the part where Charlie DOESN'T congratulate Jacob in the creepily paternalistic manner. "Why the HELL would I do that?" EXACTLY SMEYER, EXACTLY.

2. A-list? Pfft. B-list AT BEST. Old Victoria was way better.

3. Jacob's "Choose" speech :D

4. Who's Claudia?

5. Dude I totes saw Billy Burke on the premiere of "Rizzoli and Isles" last night. Did you know that under the mustache he is totally hott? I had no idea!


7. You might want to go over to Urban Dictionary and put your definition of "romero" in there, because what they have for it is... not that.

8. I still want to know when vampires became CRUNCHY. In the first movie they tear James apart and he is STILL MADE OF FLESH, NOT ROCK SALT.

9. CHEESEBURGER OF PAIN? Seriously? There needs to be several macros of that.

10. She really IS the ultimate Mary Sue, isn't she?

In conclusion, I love when you get loopy. :D
eponine_b From: eponine_b Date: July 13th, 2010 08:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Claudia is the perpetual child vampire in Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles (played by a young Kirsten Dunst in the movie of Interview With The Vampire). Jane is a bit reminiscent in that she's a creepy vampire girl although Claudia is only about 4 or 5 when she's turned as opposed to a young teenager like Jane.
coldclarity From: coldclarity Date: July 13th, 2010 08:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
... so I can choose fire
or I can choose ice;
If you don't get that metaphor
I can reread it twice.

I laughed so loud I scared the cat.

JACOB: Well, you know, Edward, if you weren’t a controlling, creep-ass motherfucker... no. I still wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.
And again.

Which was exactly what I needed. Awesome.
dyptych From: dyptych Date: July 13th, 2010 08:28 pm (UTC) (Link)



Seriously, I was worried for my life during minute five of hysterical laughter.

Thank you, Cleo!
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