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Breaking Dawn in Fifteen Minutes - Breaking Dawn in Fifteen Minutes - Movies in Fifteen Minutes Page 4 — LiveJournal
This is, after all, what happens when you cross the streams.
cleolinda
m15m
cleolinda
Breaking Dawn in Fifteen Minutes
Part One, at any rate. I do want to go back and do the two Deathly Hallows...es, but this is what we've got for now: the movie about which I spent three years muttering, "I have no idea how they're going to do this." If you need to catch up:

Twilight in Fifteen Minutes
New Moon in Fifteen Minutes
Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes
Recaps of the books



WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE, HORRIFYING IMAGES, THAT WHICH CANNOT BE UNSEENCollapse )




Site Meter (Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

Tags: , ,
Current Mood: relieved relieved
Current Music: Siouxsie and the Banshees - Dazzle

286 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
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mallmouse From: mallmouse Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOLOL "You invited God?"

"Edward set up a Brazilian street dance full of PDA to show Bella what people who actually have sex look like"
razumovsac From: razumovsac Date: November 24th, 2011 02:09 am (UTC) (Link)
allthelivesofme From: allthelivesofme Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
ALL OF THIS IS AMAZING

EDWARD: WOMAN! HOW MANY PILLOWS MUST DIE BEFORE YOUR LUST IS SATED?

I love your brain. LOL
deepbluemermaid From: deepbluemermaid Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ah, Cleo, you're just brilliant :) I am so, so glad I'm alone in the house right now - I didn't have to stifle my shrieks of laughter and groans of disgust (my God, that gif of Jacob imprinting is so disturbing).
breebers From: breebers Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
My whole office now thinks I'm maniacally insane(r) due to my 'splosion of giggles. Thank you so.much. for that :)
blue_ant From: blue_ant Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
SETH, THE LITTLEST WEREWOLF: If you're gonna be your own alpha because you're the grandson of the real werechief, I wanna be your pack!

JACOB: Dammit, Seth, go be adorable somewhere else

For me, Seth was by far and away the BEST part of this movie (and might be the only character I liked). Not that I didn't enjoy myself though, because I did. And your recap makes it all worthwhile!
mallmouse From: mallmouse Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much!!! This is AT LEAST as good as Twilight (I'm biased) AND we can finally talk about it!!!
dr_tectonic From: dr_tectonic Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
"I'm not made of jorts, you know!" :D

(mentally re-edited because twitter)
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: November 23rd, 2011 11:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heh, yeah. That audience research revealed that a number of North Americans and everyone overseas had no idea what "jorts" were. Out it went.
whatiknownow_ From: whatiknownow_ Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
this may be the funniest thing i've EVER read in the history of reading things...*wiping the tears* thank you!
plazmah From: plazmah Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh Cleo, you had been dying at “jean shorts”. :D
icepearls From: icepearls Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Giggled, snorted and laughed hysterically my way through this. Absolutely love your brilliant take on it! Have seen the film twice so far, I wonder if I'll laugh (even more) if I see it again - seriously, the wolf scene, with the lame voiceovers and the snarling. Had to bite my fist not to fall off the chair laughing my ass off
trishtrash From: trishtrash Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
then you put the fox and the grain in the boat and you leave the goose back on the riverbank

ROFL with sparkles coming out of my nose.
la_petite_singe From: la_petite_singe Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
and then you put the fox and the grain in the boat and you leave the goose back on the riverbank. Also, Bella stomped on Jacob's furry heart sixteen times.
Aaaaaand I'm already cackling. This is gonna be good.

Also, we get a long, loving closeup of Stephenie Meyer in the audience.
I said "oh, for GOD'S SAKE" rather loudly at that part. And I'd barely started on my drink(s).

Vampires Are the 1%
AAHAHAHAHHA SO HORRIBLY TRUE JFC

EDWARD: Emmett, I went to med school. Twice.
HE WENT TO MED SCHOOL?!?! Oh my god, I have run out of evens to can AND THERE'S ANOTHER MOVIE COME. (Also, good Lord, Emmett is Jayne. I know this because of reasons.)

EDWARD: Maybe because you were eating it with peanut butter out of the jar?
that scene was LIES because that brand is from NYC and I have been there many times and I sent them hysterical sobbing Facebook messages when I was living in London asking them to ship me some peanut butter but they would not do it liiiiiiiiiiies

SAMWOLF, CHIEF OF WOLVES: GRRRRR? GRR GROWL GRRR RWWWWOWWWWL???
I WAS DYING. Absolutely dying. It was like the best Homeward Bound sequel ever.

[Bella is dead. Real real trufax dead. There will be no Part 2, and there will be no millions of dollars. Sob.]
Seriously!! I thought she died, for, like, five minutes! Da hale?!

SOME MESSAGE: Carlile says Bela is a vampir so u dont need to kill them
BEST. BEST BEST BEST. Totes worth the money and the pain and the flailing. Oh, Michael Sheen. ♥____________♥

Magnificent, as ever. Am amazed that you were able to sit through it more than once.
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: November 23rd, 2011 10:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
HE WENT TO MED SCHOOL?!?!

He did, IIRC! Mixed it up with the high school a little bit. Which just cracks me up even more, because here's Dr. Dr. Edward Cullen sitting through high school biology over and over unto eternity. No wonder he's so high-handed with the microscope.
vivian_lake From: vivian_lake Date: November 23rd, 2011 09:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow. You're my hero.

So, basically, Alice married Bella by proxy?
cmdr_zoom From: cmdr_zoom Date: November 23rd, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
And Rosalie finally got a baby.
From: cimness Date: November 23rd, 2011 10:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
This RIGHT HERE has provided the raison d'etre of the Hey Baby You So X Baby meme.
celestineangel From: celestineangel Date: November 23rd, 2011 10:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heheheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee this is the best thing ever to be a thing.

Also, so... the entirety of part two is going to Bella Vampires Better Than You and the Confrontation With the Vulturi That Never Was?

... hmmm.
286 comments or Leave a comment
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