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Movies in Fifteen Minutes
This is, after all, what happens when you cross the streams.
Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes

As promised: Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes. I'm still counting up the fundraising, but we'll have a final count soon. I'm already running late with the book manuscript, but this was a very quick write--it practically parodies itself, and it was fun, and a good palate cleanser.

ETA 4/02/05: Okay. I'm gonna try to be real clear about this. I really, really liked the movie. I liked the book. I have never seen the show, but I would probably like it, and I ended up really enjoying the music. I like the actors involved. PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME COMMENTS ABOUT MY "HATE" FOR THE MOVIE. The point of these parodies is "affectionate snark." The jokes are written with love. If I hated the movie, I wouldn't bother. If you think I'm not funny, that's one thing, but please don't leave me long screeds about how I didn't "understand" or "appreciate" the movie, because you're preaching to the choir. (Yes, I have received, and am still receiving, a lot of these. Two today alone, in fact.)

P.S. Please look up the difference between "heroin" and "heroine" before you complain about my "Heroine Addict" icons. It's a pun. It's supposed to be a positive thing. I'm not calling anyone a drug user. Thank you, and enjoy.

Oh, and since it always comes up: I never have a problem with anyone leaving comments. In fact, if you'd like, you can leave them in the comments for me to see. But please don't copy or repost the entire thing anywhere; excerpts and links are always fine, though.

ETA: Minor corrections have been made to dates and a couple of names.


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crazypalefreak From: crazypalefreak Date: January 9th, 2005 10:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
[She goes over to the Phantom and touches his face and he seems to dig it.]
CHRISTINE: So, I’m gonna take your mask off.
CHRISTINE: Peeling it off as we speak.
THE PHANTOM: Ten-four.
CHRISTINE: It’s totally coming off.
THE PHANTOM: Sure, have a party.
THE MASK: *comes off*

alleykitten From: alleykitten Date: January 25th, 2005 12:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Hey...is your icon of J.K. Rowling's desk?
lady_elina From: lady_elina Date: January 9th, 2005 10:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

CHRISTINE: I don’t—it’s just—it’s not even that much of your face!

THE PHANTOM: *fumes*

CHRISTINE: *cries*

THE PHANTOM: Whatever. I guess it’s time to take you back now.

So I wasn't the only one wondering about his sudden change of heart. And various other absurdities.

THE PHANTOM: Christine? You came back?

CHRISTINE: I just wanted to give you the ring. You know. As a token. Of my eternal… affection. Yeah. “Affection.” And my phone number. And my forwarding address.

*dies laughing*

This is brilliant. I've linked to it from my LJ. You're credited, of course. :)
thirteenfluidoz From: thirteenfluidoz Date: January 9th, 2005 11:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
innerbrat From: innerbrat Date: January 9th, 2005 11:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG this is sooo good.

ANDRE: Hey, we’re all French, right?

FIRMIN: Last time I checked, yes.

ANDRE: Well, then why is she the only one with a French accent?

*desparately wants Mme Giry to come back with "Because I ehm a rrrrreal actress, you peasants!", because Miranda Richardson was the only person in the film who could act.
the_grim_wombat From: the_grim_wombat Date: January 9th, 2005 11:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
ICON LOVE! <333 XD Maskerade is SO my favorite Discworld book.
azdaja_dafema From: azdaja_dafema Date: January 9th, 2005 11:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Dear lord and all things holy - you have that film down to perfection. I watched that in hysterics, and you have definitely just pinpointed how awful it was. *noddles* Cookie for you.

And another thing, *applauds* nice research on the dress front. I hadn't realised/noticed/would ever check to see where the dress was from! Roll on the book. Now, would it be published in England? *thinks* ^^
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: January 9th, 2005 11:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, I just think Sisi is awesome, and that's probably the single most famous portrait of her. In fact, I remember a Sisi Barbie doll in that dress that was made in the '80s. Just a quick memory on my part. ; )

(And it'll definitely be published in England, because the publisher is British.)
kassandra05 From: kassandra05 Date: January 9th, 2005 11:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Brilliant as usual! I hurt myself laughing. Thank you!

I'm so torn about seeing this movie. I so want to see the sets and costumes and the silliness and Gerard Butler, but I don't know if I could take it. I'm afraid the music would kill me. I had a couple friends in college who were... very enamored with it and played the soundtrack A LOT and at very high volumes. The painful flashbacks ended quite a few years ago so maybe I could handle it. Thinking on it, though, it might just be best to wait until it's out on DVD where I'll have the full power of the mute button.
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: January 9th, 2005 11:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'd never heard any of it before--well, "Music of the Night" sounded a little familiar--so hearing "Phantom of the Opera" for the first time, with all the organs and guitars and possibly synthesizers (?) just about killed me dead. If you *want* to see it for costumes and set and silliness and Gerard Butler, I don't think you'll be disappointed, though. : )
ren_aleria From: ren_aleria Date: January 9th, 2005 11:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
omg that was hysterical!

thank you!
skaryma From: skaryma Date: January 9th, 2005 11:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
You made my life. No, I'm serious.
alysscarlet From: alysscarlet Date: January 9th, 2005 11:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was great, Cleo! One of your best. Thank you!

revealing a monster with half his face burned off and his eyelid all messed up and half his hair greying and fallen out… despite the fact most of this wasn’t covered by the little Zorro mask, and it looked fine two minutes ago.

That is so true. I was totally distracted by that.
ambiguousreason From: ambiguousreason Date: January 9th, 2005 11:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
CHRISTINE: Our engagement must be secret, Raoul! I know—I’ll hide the big sparkly ring in my cleavage! No one EVER looks there!

I love you for including that. And I must say, I've missed actually getting to read these.

...WOAH! You put your copyright in there, like, every other paragraph. *highlighted the whole thing as she tried to copy that one line up there* SEKRIT MAJICK OMG.
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: January 9th, 2005 11:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, I went nuts with the copyright because it drives me crazy when people repost stuff in their journals and on message boards and ON FANFICTION.NET and then go, "But I didn't know who wrote it!" Yeah? You're gonna know who wrote THIS ONE.
peridots13 From: peridots13 Date: January 9th, 2005 11:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Dammit. I haven't seen it yet, and I have a policy of not reading one of your m15m's if I haven't seen the actual movie yet. Must...go...see...now!!!
From: thm Date: January 9th, 2005 11:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Awesome. I laughed so hard all the way through.

'Boobzilla'; hehehehehehe....
franski From: franski Date: January 9th, 2005 11:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
my first read of a m15m. absolute genious lol. well done. xxx
From: gabbysun Date: January 9th, 2005 11:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
. . . OH OH OH OH.


When I go see the movie with my low expectations I'll go with a copy of this in hand and crack up. xD
redrogue From: redrogue Date: January 9th, 2005 11:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOL. INTO INFINITY. This is the second Movie in Fifteen Minutes of yours I've read, I think the other I read was King Arthur. Hysterical, utter hilarity. I like this one the best. Kudos
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