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Movies in Fifteen Minutes
This is, after all, what happens when you cross the streams.
Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes

As promised: Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes. I'm still counting up the fundraising, but we'll have a final count soon. I'm already running late with the book manuscript, but this was a very quick write--it practically parodies itself, and it was fun, and a good palate cleanser.

ETA 4/02/05: Okay. I'm gonna try to be real clear about this. I really, really liked the movie. I liked the book. I have never seen the show, but I would probably like it, and I ended up really enjoying the music. I like the actors involved. PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME COMMENTS ABOUT MY "HATE" FOR THE MOVIE. The point of these parodies is "affectionate snark." The jokes are written with love. If I hated the movie, I wouldn't bother. If you think I'm not funny, that's one thing, but please don't leave me long screeds about how I didn't "understand" or "appreciate" the movie, because you're preaching to the choir. (Yes, I have received, and am still receiving, a lot of these. Two today alone, in fact.)

P.S. Please look up the difference between "heroin" and "heroine" before you complain about my "Heroine Addict" icons. It's a pun. It's supposed to be a positive thing. I'm not calling anyone a drug user. Thank you, and enjoy.

Oh, and since it always comes up: I never have a problem with anyone leaving comments. In fact, if you'd like, you can leave them in the comments for me to see. But please don't copy or repost the entire thing anywhere; excerpts and links are always fine, though.

ETA: Minor corrections have been made to dates and a couple of names.


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1267 comments or Leave a comment
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From: ex_zombieham605 Date: January 10th, 2005 01:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
I want to bear your incredibly funny children. This was the best thing EVER.
pyro_wizzard From: pyro_wizzard Date: January 10th, 2005 01:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
YES!! That was so awsome! Especially since you are probably one of the only people I know who had read the book! YEAS!
elanorkat From: elanorkat Date: January 10th, 2005 01:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
heh. Excellent. I was looking forward to this! Tnanks for the prolapsed facial muscles, anyway!
dragonsinger From: dragonsinger Date: January 10th, 2005 02:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
*ROTFLOL* Too, too funny. Loved it!
From: baldbeasty Date: January 10th, 2005 02:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Brilliant synopsis....absolutely brilliant!!!!!
From: akuanaishinnou Date: January 10th, 2005 02:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
thefriendly2x4 From: thefriendly2x4 Date: January 10th, 2005 03:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm not going to lie, I actually really liked the movie. As in thought it was good and I absolutely must see it again--this version just made it infinitely better.


At first I thought he was going to the bathroom. I mean, when you see him again he looks like he buckling his pants.
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: January 10th, 2005 03:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hey, I liked the movie, too. But then, *everything* is funny to me.
From: thayleia Date: January 10th, 2005 03:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
I saw this this weekend... HATED IT.
From: thisiamdenied Date: January 10th, 2005 03:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Weeeeeeeeeee!! LOVED this m15m!! It was simply FAB. There are no other words to describe its fabosity.
bandonbanshee From: bandonbanshee Date: January 10th, 2005 03:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow. Seriously wow. Having seen and not particularly enjoyed the movie, this was so wonderful (and side-splittingly hilarious) to read. As ever, you articulate the salient points in the funniest way.

And eleven pages of comments in less than twenty four hours? Also wow.

paratus From: paratus Date: January 10th, 2005 04:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
I heart the Flying Nun.
valancy_s From: valancy_s Date: January 10th, 2005 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Okay, a comment at this point is just a drop in the ocean, but oh well.

When the Phantom appears during the Masquerade scene, I totally whispered to the friend next to me: "Crap. Now they all have the plague." Glad someone else noticed the Red-Deathness of the moment! :) And I love the horse-stagecoach-biplane-godola bit! The appearance of that horse out of nowhere in the catacombs, true to the book or not, was the most unexpectably hilarious moment of the movie.

But you missed the best line in the whole film! "Clearly, his genius... has turned to MADNESS!" Oh well spotted, Raoul.
alleykitten From: alleykitten Date: January 10th, 2005 04:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I needed that.
sleepy_morrigan From: sleepy_morrigan Date: January 10th, 2005 04:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nice one!
cantinera From: cantinera Date: January 10th, 2005 04:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
BUQUET THE STAGEHAND: …And in the book, he’s got a hole where his nose ought to be, and his hands are cold and he’s like a cadaver all over!

SOME DANCER: But what about in the movie?

BUQUET: In the movie? He’s got a terrible… third degree… SUNBURN!

THE DANCERS: *scream and faint dead away*

Haha! I loved that joke throughout this. I mean, his face was kinda burned, but honestly? Nothing a girl couldn't forgive since he was dead sexy. It was the murdering, crazed maniac playing with daddy issues that was the turn-off, really.

Good job!

1267 comments or Leave a comment
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