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Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes - Movies in Fifteen Minutes Page 33
This is, after all, what happens when you cross the streams.
cleolinda
m15m
cleolinda
Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes

As promised: Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes. I'm still counting up the fundraising, but we'll have a final count soon. I'm already running late with the book manuscript, but this was a very quick write--it practically parodies itself, and it was fun, and a good palate cleanser.



ETA 4/02/05: Okay. I'm gonna try to be real clear about this. I really, really liked the movie. I liked the book. I have never seen the show, but I would probably like it, and I ended up really enjoying the music. I like the actors involved. PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME COMMENTS ABOUT MY "HATE" FOR THE MOVIE. The point of these parodies is "affectionate snark." The jokes are written with love. If I hated the movie, I wouldn't bother. If you think I'm not funny, that's one thing, but please don't leave me long screeds about how I didn't "understand" or "appreciate" the movie, because you're preaching to the choir. (Yes, I have received, and am still receiving, a lot of these. Two today alone, in fact.)

P.S. Please look up the difference between "heroin" and "heroine" before you complain about my "Heroine Addict" icons. It's a pun. It's supposed to be a positive thing. I'm not calling anyone a drug user. Thank you, and enjoy.





Oh, and since it always comes up: I never have a problem with anyone leaving comments. In fact, if you'd like, you can leave them in the comments for me to see. But please don't copy or repost the entire thing anywhere; excerpts and links are always fine, though.

ETA: Minor corrections have been made to dates and a couple of names.

OH MY GOD, HE'S SLIGHTLY UNATTRACTIVE ON ONE SIDE! TO ARMS!Collapse )



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airportrunaway From: airportrunaway Date: January 22nd, 2005 06:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Absolutely fantastic. My friend and I always go around now saying, "I leaf, and my doggeh leaf too!" Hehehe. I love it.
(Deleted comment)
phantomphanson From: phantomphanson Date: January 22nd, 2005 09:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
AAAH! I so loved the various names for Raoul, particularly the missing Hanson brother (seeing as I am a HUGE fan o' them). So wonderful! I can't wait for your book!
pardonthelitany From: pardonthelitany Date: January 22nd, 2005 09:50 pm (UTC) (Link)

*dies laughing*

—OF DOOM AND EXPOSITION!
Hannibal apparently crossed the Alps on several Raggedy Ann dolls after he ate all the elephants.
Hey, we’re all French, right?
A FALLING BACKDROP: *puts everyone out of their misery*
[ then a biplane with a layover in the fourth cellar]
Will we get there any faster if I flash all of my thigh and possibly more?

CHRISTINE: So, I’m gonna take your mask off.
THE PHANTOM: Okay.
CHRISTINE: Peeling it off as we speak.
THE PHANTOM: Ten-four.
CHRISTINE: It’s totally coming off.
THE PHANTOM: Sure, have a party.
THE MASK: *comes off*
THE PHANTOM: OMG YOU TRAMPSLUT WHOREBITCH HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

People watching the movie who have never seen a real opera make a note not to start going now.
“Open in Case of Emergency or Plot Dead-End.”
VOICE FROM THE DAAÉ TOMB: …Sure, if that’s your kink.
And if we had any idea how he sneaks in and out of the theater, or where any of his superninja trapdoors are, that might actually work.
Oh, I love the smell of irony in the morning.
THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS DEATH DANCE TROUPE: *bunny hops*
OH MY GOD, HE’S SLIGHTLY UNATTRACTIVE ON ONE SIDE! TO ARMS!
CHRISTINE: They’ll never find you in here! You could ravish me and everything and no one would be able to stop you. You could totally get away with it!
UGLY MONKEY BOX: OH SNAP. *ching*


bloody hysterical!
hohumhaha From: hohumhaha Date: January 22nd, 2005 10:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
MADAME GIRY: I weel take you to Christine. Kip your ’ands at ze level of your aiz.
RAOUL: My who at the level of my what?

I laughed for approximately 59836y58365 years when I read that
amarynthia_x From: amarynthia_x Date: January 22nd, 2005 11:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Alright, so I'm a little late to the party, but I had to let you know that this was THE funniest thing I've read in the past year omg. I'm glad no one was around while I was reading, because they would probably consider me slightly mental.

My friend and I went to see the movie after reading this and we could not stop cackling, I'm sure much to the chagrin of the other moviegoers. Methuselah Raoul was probably the greatest source of our enjoyment.

When the Phantom first shows his dislike for Carlotta I couldn't help thinking, "Now be gone, before someone drops a stage backdrop on you too!"

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that this was freaking brilliant and keep up the good work.
rosemarie16 From: rosemarie16 Date: January 23rd, 2005 04:23 am (UTC) (Link)

*sniffles*

Whew! That was *SO* good!

MY fav. part:

Christine: are we there yet?

Phantom: No

Christine: Are we there yet!?!

Phantom: NO!!

Christine: If I show off more of my thigh and more, will we go any faster?

Phatom: ... yes!


I thought I was going to die of laughter... and my parents thought I was going crazy! THANKS for making my day go better. Now if you'll exscuse me,.. I have to go see the movie in the theater again. Though I know it'll be different now that I've read this. But hey, that makes it all the better. ^_^

Take care.

*Rosie*
morikumo_js12 From: morikumo_js12 Date: January 23rd, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
As always, I wish I had your brain. You're freaking hilarious and deserve a gold star. A pretty gold star too. ;) ::claps for Cleolinda's brilliance and her uberpretty gold star::
creogaudium From: creogaudium Date: January 23rd, 2005 07:39 pm (UTC) (Link)

wheee-hee-hee-hee-hee...

****MADAME GIRY: Well, zere was zees traveling circus and stuff, and all ze little ballerinas went to zee eet, and Erik—

RAOUL: Who’s Erik?

MADAME GIRY: You know, ze Phantome.

RAOUL: Oh.

MADAME GIRY: Anyway, Erik was zere, and—

RAOUL: Hey, is that Swedish?

MADAME GIRY: How ze hell zhould I know? L’anyhoodle, zey ’ad ’im caged up as a fhreak—

RAOUL: With a c or with a k?

MADAME GIRY: LOOK, DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ZE STORY OR NOT?*****

I came across this quite by accident, and I was absolutely delighted by it. As a Phan who read the book before witnessing any other medium of POTO, comments comparing the book to the movie put me into hysterics. I also loved how you wrote Christine at the end, when she kept trying to stay. And Oldmumbling!Raoul was funny too. The only thing I thought could have made it better was if you'd referred to the 'small room with mirrors' as the Torture Chamber...but that's just me being anal.

I loved this, and all your other works...never cease crafting these parodies, that we may all laugh and laugh and never stop! :D
celticangel76 From: celticangel76 Date: January 23rd, 2005 08:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG this is the best thing ever. I laughed so hard I was in tears and every friend I've told about it has been the same way. I love Phantom of the Opera and was not terribly impressed by the movie so this was just PERFECT!!
mountain_nest From: mountain_nest Date: January 23rd, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG......

genius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

is it okay to link to this so i may share this wonderfulness with others?
cleolinda From: cleolinda Date: January 23rd, 2005 09:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Links and partial excerpts are fine. Glad you enjoyed it!
pervy_slash_kid From: pervy_slash_kid Date: January 24th, 2005 03:29 am (UTC) (Link)
I love the movie. I mean hardcore LOVE. Seriously, I love it more than my brother. This made me giggle and chuckle, and then cough because I have the flu. You are fantastic!
regen From: regen Date: January 24th, 2005 04:25 am (UTC) (Link)
YOU ARE MY HERO. *worships*
mambaramba From: mambaramba Date: January 24th, 2005 05:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Olive Juice!!! Thanks for the happy moments!!! ten-four!
the_lorelei From: the_lorelei Date: January 24th, 2005 09:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Great. Now everytime I see a picture of him in that red outfit I yell out, "NO ONE EVER EXPECTS ME!" *cracks up* I loved that.

*thumbs up* Your movie scripts send me to giggle fits everytime.
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