Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in Fifteen Minutes

Well, that only took eight months a week and a half, then.

1) Warning: strong language. Not quite as persistently as in POA/15M, but there you are.

2) No, I never went back and did Order of the Phoenix for some reason (nor Chamber of Secrets). I should get on that. But Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone is in the book and Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire are online.

3) Yes, I left out your favorite part. Was your favorite part already funny? Well, that's why I had to leave it out.

4) I do have a new agent and we're looking into American distribution for the book. (No, there's still just one. The other one is the hardcover.)

5) Feel free to link this places or make icons or make videos, but PLEASE DO NOT REPOST THE WHOLE THING SOMEWHERE ELSE. Send people here to read it. You can put up a few quotes and everything. Really, isn't it easier that way?

Collapse )

Site Meter

Final reminder

Final reminder: the auction for the Eowyn doll and M15M book ends tonight.

To recap, I won two different Toy Biz Eowyns on eBay a few years ago but I only wanted one, and here I am six years later actually selling off the spare, which is the one in the unopened box (mine is posed purely as a visual aid). You can read about the continuing adventures of my Eowyn in The Secret Life of Dolls--we had more posts than usual this week due to a special storyline, in which Iorek the Webkinz got the panser back in his bjørn with new skyfoil armor; the Faramirs had a marathon Twilight reading session; and we had A Very Special Valentine's Day. Please note, though, that the doll for sale DOES NOT come with a starry mantle. I just folded an $8 scarf three or four times, no sewing, so if you want one for your Eowyn (or any other doll), the same scarf is available here.

The book, meanwhile, is one of the original hardcovers the publisher sent to me when the book was first released. This is the book, by the way, with all the movies that were never posted online:
  • Jurassic Park in Fifteen Minutes
  • Braveheart in Fifteen Minutes
  • Independence Day in Fifteen Minutes
  • Gladiator in Fifteen Minutes
  • Titanic in Fifteen Minutes
  • The Matrix in Fifteen Minutes
  • Attack of the Clones in Fifteen Minutes
  • Spider-Man in Fifteen Minutes
  • Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
  • Lord of the Rings in Fifteen Minutes

... the last of which is the connection to the doll. You can still buy the paperback pretty cheap (the text is the same, even if the cover isn't), but the hardcover seems to be getting a bit scarce. Anyway, I'll sign it to whomever the buyer wants. Happy bidding, and I hope (the other) Eowyn goes to a good home.

Site Meter
galadriel doll

Book and doll auction

Okay, the bidding is already kind of insane but I wanted to mention this to let everyone have a fair shot at it:

If you read "The Secret Life of Dolls" on my regular journal, that's my Eowyn in the picture. An identical Eowyn, the one in the never-opened box, is the one you would be bidding on (more pictures here), as well as a hardcover copy of the Movies in Fifteen Minutes book. The listing title says it's a signed book, but it isn't yet; I'll personalize it to whomever wins.

(Please don't drive the bidding up just for the hell of it, because someone's going to end up paying actual money for this. It's a seven-day auction so people can have time to decide if they want to bid, so, you know, everyone be cool and I'll put up another reminder on Sunday, no big.)

And as for the book itself--Cleolinda Industries is under new management now, so to speak, and we're going to be shopping the North American rights around, probably starting a week or two from now. So we will get it out here eventually, and you can still buy the paperback overseas. (The title and cover are different, but it's still the same book. I only have one book published, and Movies in Fifteen Minutes is it, so if it's got my name on it, it's the same book.)

Unrelated P.S.: Coraline was fantastic. I definitely recommend it.

Site Meter

Icons, announcements

Okay, a couple of things:

1. People have started asking if they can perform and tape "Twilight in Fifteen Minutes." I've gotten several requests like this with POTO and various Harry Potters, and you know what? As long as you don't find some way to turn a profit, I say go for it. Here's the one thing I need you to do: due to a really, really weird incident earlier this year, in which a POTO/15M video on YouTube did not visibly credit me as the writer (a girl claimed her cousin was the writer instead, and the cousin had sold her the "rights" to the script--that is, my work--and so she was posting it under her own name on, and... look, it got really weird), I'm going to need you to put my name on whatever it is. "Written by Cleolinda Jones," "Adapted from [Whichever movie] in Fifteen Minutes by Cleolinda Jones," just something like that. Up front, at the beginning of the video, in writing (on a placard or program if it's a live performance, I don't know), and in the text description on the page where the video is hosted (YouTube, for example), with a link back to the original parody if possible. I mean, obviously, credit yourselves as actors as well. I just need it to be abundantly clear that the writing is mine. I hate to be so anal about it, but not my name not being on something caused so much trouble that I have to ask this of y'all in order to feel comfortable letting people do it at all.

2. Second batch of icons. I had to use some fuzzy-ass screencaps at times--the best I could get hold of--but I feel like the shotgun icon turned out really, really well.

first folder ----> <---- second folder

Again, take and use whatever you want. And if you make any, let me know and I'll link them for people to go look at.

Site Meter

Announcements and general housekeeping

1. If you've ever wanted to hear my voice, I'm on a new Made of Fail podcast discussing Twilight (and a few other things; I really liked the discussion of how the music industry is shifting from radio airplay to internet downloads).

(Audio samples: In which I admit that I am, in fact, a "Twilight blogger" [1:02]; Angel wings and glaucoma [1:40].)

I've been on a couple other podcasts as well in the last few months--here's the previous Made of Fail I was on in which we play a rousing game of Horrify the Twilight Noob, and the Poufwa Exchange podcast where we discuss Twilight, Harry Potter, and the Lexicon lawsuit (Poufwa audio samples: "I think he did a lot of reading, maybe he scrapbooked it afterwards"; "You are my life now." My voice is actually a bit lower compared to Rinna and Chi's, so that's which one I am there).

2. "Unexpected [blah] is unexpected!" is sort of an internet lolcat-ish meme that doesn't originate with me (I can't remember where it comes from); I've also used it in both Midnight Sun and True Blood recaps before.

(Speaking of True Blood--and yes, I am hugely behind on the recaps, I'm going to catch up on them--recap #3 featured something of an extended Twilight crossover. "He steps aside so that Edward can come in, and as he closes the door, you can hear a faint 'Let me show you my scrapbook, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Stalkers"....' drifting down the hall...")

3. I saw the movie again (what? My mother wanted to go!) and caught "the word I have never heard in my vampire-loving life"--apotamkin--and added a link in the appropriate section of the parody. Turns out it's a legitimate legend. Who knew?

4. One thing I really wish I had remembered to mention in the Fifteen Minutes is the lolarious little old-school vampire movie-inspired fantasy Bella has while she is, in fact, googling "apotamkin"; if you'd like to see screencaps of it, I have a few here. Maybe it's for the best that I forgot, because I'm not sure words can truly do it justice.

5. Okay, first set of icons. There are a lot of images available, and I have also managed to acquire a large number of (very fuzzy) screencaps, so there will probably be an equally large second batch. There's only a couple of Arial icons (rather than Silkscreen font), but I'll probably go back and do additional Arial versions of a few, if only because icon-making is really relaxing. (Maybe I'm just weird?)

Click to browse the folder

Anyway. Poke around, browse the folder, feel free to take anything there you want; make your own and bring me a link, I'll post it. Good times.

6. Oh, and by the way: I didn't make up the "this is the skin of a killer" line. That's actually in the movie. No, I mean it. NO, I SWEAR.

Site Meter

Twilight in Fifteen Minutes

Before we get started:

1) Other Twilight entries on my cleolinda journal (they tended to get more detailed over the course of the summer): Twilight discussion; New Moon and Eclipse commentaries; Breaking Dawn recap; Midnight Sun recap; final trailer rundown; discussion when I came home from the movie.

2) I also know people are about to inundate me with recs, so let me give you my favorite Twilight links up front and save you the trouble: Collapse )

ANYWAY. Collapse )

Site Meter

Status report. Kind of?

So, um... hey guys. Nothing new on the Fifteen Minutes front at the moment, but I'd gotten a couple of questions about it, so I thought I'd answer those. Also, I do a lot of writing over at my personal journal (cleolinda, obviously), so I wanted to update you on that.

What will the next Movies in Fifteen Minutes be? Well, my answer is always going to be "I don't know," because I find that saying I'll do something jinxes it. (Which is why I can't take requests or suggestions.) But I swear, since Wanted, the only two movies I've seen were The Dark Knight, which I really didn't feel comfortable working with at the time, due to the Heath Ledger issue, and Hamlet 2, which, being a comedy, isn't something I can do anyway. But a lot of people wanted to know if I'd do The Dark Knight, and the answer is... not at the moment. Maybe I'll get the DVD and enough time will have passed that it'll be easier to handle; I do have some notes. But I don't know.

As for which movie I'm pretty sure will get done in some capacity... keep reading.

Why don't you post more frequently? Well, you know? I post every day on my personal journal. Usually movie news linkspam; a few personal anecdotes, some commentary or recaps, i.e., Stuff That Is Intended to Be Funny (Whether It Succeeds or Not). And quite honestly, three parodies in a calendar year is pretty good over here, compared to my average output. I think of m15m as a special-occasion thing, so, you know... if you're wondering where I am, it's usually at cleolinda.

Will there be another book? I'm to the point where I feel like Fifteen Minutes(es?) work better as things I post here occasionally, for fun, the way I started doing it and the way I went back to doing. I'm glad I had the opportunity to do the book, and I'm grateful to have had that introduction to the publishing industry, but I feel at this rate like there's no way to do another and keep the content timely. I tried writing a draft for movies of 2005 and... well, here we still are.

What I always thought I'd be doing was writing fiction, so I'm trying to finish a novel right now that I've been working on for a few years. Victorian vampire steampunk. There you go. It'll be fun.

Will the book you did publish EVER COME OUT IN NORTH AMERICA, SERIOUSLY? At this point, I'm not seeing any movement on that front. When I do, I'll let you know.

(ETA: Sorry--here's where you can get it for now. If you see two different books, one called Cut!--that's the paperback version. They're both the same book.)

Okay, so what have you been posting? Well, What I Did on My Summer Vacation was write about the Twilight series. A lot. (Clarification: musings on Twilight, commentary on New Moon and Eclipse, full-on recapping for Breaking Dawn and Midnight Sun.) Right now, the movie publicity is in the home stretch so we're watching the TOUR OF TERROR over at my journal. (Warning: If you love Twilight unironically and wholeheartedly... my coverage or commentary may not be to your taste.) After that, I started recapping True Blood, and while I'm behind on those again, I tend to catch up all at once, so... that should be forthcoming. Oh, and if you've ever wondered what my voice sounds like, I guested on a couple of podcasts a while back and posted two short story readings on Halloween. And then there's also The Secret Life of Dolls, which I post every now and then on a whim, but there's a number of them up now.

And yes, I decided the moment I saw the Twilight trailer in May that I would do it for m15m (or die trying). I don't know who I can con into taking me to see it, but if anything happens with that, "Twilight in Fifteen Minutes" should go up later this month.

Anything else? What's up with y'all?

Site Meter

Wanted in Fifteen Minutes

Hey, because it was there and it called to me. It's just about the only way I can write these days--just letting it happen.

Note: This is very much an R-rated movie, with the sex and the expletives and the shootings of people in the brain. The language in the recap, parody, whatever you want to call it, is going to reflect that (and trust me, this is the mild version). Also, Wanted is the kind of movie where half the charm of it is in the novelty of the visuals and some really funny surprises, so I'm... actually going to leave several good moments out. Believe me, there's plenty left over. Just--go see it. It's outrageous and stupid and funny and knows it, unlike some movies I could name COUGHTHEHAPPENINGCOUGH. Collapse )

Site Meter
  • Current Music
    Danny Elfman, "The Little Things"
  • Tags